Separation Anxiety in Children

Published at 11 November 2024

"As a mother, I face a daily challenge with my 4-year-old son due to his extreme attachment to me; he does not allow me to even look away from his sight for a moment, which puts me in difficult situations even for simple things like going to the bathroom. Now, as his school date approaches, the problem is getting worse. He rejects the idea of separation, clings to me more and more, and cries constantly, and the school is unable to find a solution to this crisis, which increases my confusion and anxiety. So, what should I do?"

Children's attachment to their parents is normal, because they are a source of security and comfort for them, but excessive attachment may develop into a pathological condition called separation anxiety disorder. We will explain to you, dear mother, what this condition means, and how you and your child can overcome it together.

What is separation anxiety in children?

Separation Anxiety Disorder is a psychological condition in which the child feels fear and anxiety at the moment of separation from his parents (mother, father or both), so he screams, cries, and gets very upset when he is separated from them. This behavior is common among children, especially at the early ages between 6 months and 3 years, when the child is very attached to his parents. (1)

Separation anxiety gradually decreases as the child grows, enters nursery / school, and increases his self-confidence, but in about 4% of cases, this anxiety may continue and develop into what is known as "separation anxiety disorder", where the child suffers from constant fears and severe panic when separated from his parents, even for a short period. This disorder can cause emotional and behavioral problems that negatively affect the life of the child and the entire family, which requires special attention and care from parents and specialists to manage it. (2)

What are the symptoms of separation anxiety in children?

The symptoms of separation anxiety are clear, as you may notice that your child: (3)

Cries or becomes grumpy when you leave him.
Refuses to sleep unless you are next to him and wakes up anxious if he wakes up and does not find you next to him.
His anxiety and fear increase in new circumstances, for example when visiting the house of a stranger, or when going to nursery or school.

Keep in mind that these things are normal at early ages, and the child may be attached to you, his father, or both of you.

How are they different from the symptoms of separation anxiety disorder?

Separation anxiety disorder is characterized by: (2)

Its symptoms are more severe than the normal separation anxiety that most children go through.
It lasts for longer than 4 weeks in the same condition.
It negatively affects the life of the child and the entire family.

It is recommended to get help from a psychological or educational consultant if you notice the following symptoms of separation anxiety disorder in your child: (4)

Extreme attachment to the parents, and panic even when they are absent for short moments.
Unjustified fear and anxiety, as the child imagines that bad things may happen to his parents when he is not with them.
Refusal to go to nursery or school to stay with the parents, and sometimes pretending to be sick for this purpose.
Refusal to sleep outside the home or without the parents.
Fear when left alone.
Nightmares about separation from the parents, and sometimes wetting the bed.
Complaining of recurring physical symptoms, such as headaches or abdominal pain.

What are the causes of separation anxiety in children?

After reaching the age of approximately 6 months, the child's awareness increases, and he recognizes the face of his mother / father or familiar family members as a source of safety and comfort, and that any other stranger is a source of danger to him, so he feels anxious and afraid when he is away from them. As he grows older, his relationships with others become stronger, and this anxiety gradually disappears. (5)

However, the presence of some conditions or factors in the child may make him more susceptible to separation anxiety disorder, including: (4)

Overprotection from parents.
Exposure to shock or new changes, such as the death of a relative or moving to a new school.
A family member suffering from one of the various anxiety disorders.
The child himself suffering from one of the anxiety disorders, such as phobia or social phobia (social anxiety disorder).

How can separation anxiety in children be treated?

Remember that anxiety will subside on its own with time, but these simple tips can help you get through this phase: (6)(7)

Start the separation phase gradually: Send your child to his grandmother's house or a known relative to take care of him for some time, so that he gets used to your absence before he goes to school.
Say goodbye quickly: Make the farewell time short, for example, say goodbye and kiss him on the cheek, then leave immediately.
Maintain consistency and routine: Try to repeat the same method and the same rituals at the same time every day.
Give him all your attention during the separation: Show him your love, and your beautiful smile, then say goodbye quickly despite any behavior or crying to convince you to stay.
Tell him when you will return / or when he will return from school: Use expressions that your child understands, such as "I will be back after your nap, and before snack time", and it is important to keep your promise to build trust between you.
Leave something comforting with your child: It may help to leave something your child is attached to, such as a favorite toy.

If your child’s anxiety gets worse, or they show signs of separation anxiety disorder, contact the Mental Health department at Al-Ahli Hospital. A team of experienced professionals will help you find ways to help your child and overcome these difficulties.